thoughts

i took a run this morning, because there are lots of excuses for me to not run here and i heard myself say quite a few times this week, 'i can't run here'. as soon as i say something like that, i always hear my dad's voice in my head saying, 'can't never did anything', in that gently challenging way that makes you want to get off your butt and at least try. my lungs were hurting, my ears were ringing, and it was the best run i've had since i've been here. part of it is that i have more confidence to just run and not be intimidated by my surroundings(wild dogs, staring people, rough terrain, snakes). i did a big loop, but gave myself permission to stop and walk just before the hill back up to the center. maybe i will be able to take the hill next time, but at least i ran. this is an approach to life that i have embraced over the last ten years. accepting that there are days when all i can manage is a meandering pace, but as long as i'm still moving, i'm doing ok. i think we have to allow ourselves those days. during one of the toughest years of my life, i read a book by Ann Kiemel called 'I'm Running to Win'. the book was about her experience training for a marathon. this was before my marathon years, but someone told me it was a good take on life and they were right. the story that impacted me most was about an injury she had during her training. she was badly hurt and couldn't run for a while, but she was determined to do something, so she just walked as far as she could. she said sometimes doing our best is just doing what we can at the moment. that was definitely applicable to my life and walk with God at the time. i was badly injured, but determined not to quit. that inspired a song i wrote called Strength. a line in it says, 'there are days when doing my best is just to drag around and not give in and try to be faithful and remember what i know...' i'm grateful that this is not my state of life at the moment. most days, i feel more like i could run further than i ever have, spiritually and emotionally speaking. i feel like my time here has been strength training for whatever lies ahead and that excites me.